Monday, April 14, 2008

Tod und Verklärung



I am not referring to the tone poem by Richard Strauss (Death and Transfiguration) but to an incident I experienced last night. After reading for half an hour in bed, I shut down the light and tried to sleep. But instead of descending into oblivion, I felt a wave of discomfort covering me. Nausea, shortness of breath, a sinking feeling… I thought I was going to vomit. This indisposition grew and grew – no pain but distress, which culminated in anxiety. No other symptoms, no manifestations. Just an immense nausea, all pervading.

It was not a dream or a nightmare. I was ill - but even the doctor could not help.

I do not know how long it took to subside. I fell asleep. In the morning I was OK – but somewhat worn, as if I had taken a beating.

Life goes on. Small deaths until the big one.

13 comments:

viewokto said...

You’re worrying me…

You need something to uplift your spirit or get you really mad…
That works too…

athanasia said...

Perhaps, a mix of memory and desire [and the resulting fragility]?

Thanks for sharing...

annaf said...

i had similar experience, and many people do, various ages, right before sleep as yours

it felt like sinking into complete unwanted body passivity, and me being forced to observe myself switching off (cause the mind didnt switch off at all, thats why we remember what happened)

but i dont think its the big D. calling...nope, im not comforting, im just saying my approach to this as i lived it, for me the reason that caused it is non-realised fatigue that peaks mentally just before complete relaxation (sleep)

doodler said...

annaf

I know the experience you are talking about - it was not what happened last night. Usually that experience is short and vanishes when you sit up or switch a light on. But last night it persisted for over an hour, with lights on...

ghost said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Churchwarden said...

Physical agony scares. This truth is irrelevant to age-but if age has progressed, physical agony is linked directly to death.

Another truth is that symptoms of the third age can go on for decades-so it's safe to say that the body in not warning of its big silence, it's just tired.

Enjoying always helps. Even if there are no reasons to enjoy, inventing them is what "one must".

Dion.M. said...

Nice -but mysterious- photo.

This foggy landscape makes me anxious but curious also.

Any way, I am not in hurry to see it in reality!

Rallou said...

Sounds like a panic attack...(?).

Something similar happens to me, as well, only before I fall asleep, it is quite rare though, thank god-if there is any...

This year I lost lots of friends and family, and I have been dealing with death a lot...I got to the point of reading the "staring at the sun" of Irvin Yallom, next to my mother's in law deathbed... (I wouldn't recommend it :)

Anyway, the only thing that really relaxes me is the sun. Only by spending few hours in the sun the agony evaporates.(That I recommend!)

I think, I 'll have an amazing amound of wrinkles later in life!
I better meet you sooner rather than later :)

proinos said...

Could it be something scary, worrying you and reloading through your mind distressful functions of your body?

Not exactly with a pathological reason, with symptoms and behaviour you can feel, but originally coming from your head?

azrael said...

Hey mayor , fae your glossa , what kind of talk is that!!

I agree with ralou , it is problably a panic attack. Im 36 and for the last 2 years I have frequent P.A's just like (and sometimes worse than!) the one you described. It is a seriously discomforting feeling I'll give yout that.

doodler said...

Next morning. A good night's sleep and you become an optimist...

(No, it was not a panic attack. I know one when I get one. I have been through many).

MainMenu said...

it was a cry for love...

ghost said...

I am sorry but I republish my previous comment because I realised it contained many typos.

Something we eat, something we drink, something we inhale. A sorrow, a stress, a fear that raises blood pressure and may provoke an arachnoid bleeding. Or a micro blood clot that goes in a place it should not have been. Or even a position we took in bed that cut off the circulation to the brain.

A small death as a precussor to the big one. However, medical science pretends that before death the body usually produces endorphins that make the experience bearable if not exhilarating. So try some natural ways to increase your endorphin production and get away from the black or gray thoughts of death. Think of the poppies and the lilacs and the other nice flowers you have been sharing with us or just read a joke ...

P.S. Just to raise up your spirits here is one.

A man was driving down a quiet country lane when out into the road strayed a rooster. Whack! The rooster disappeared under the car in a cloud of feathers.

Shaken, the man pulled over at the farmhouse and rang the doorbell. A farmer appeared. The man somewhat nervously said, "I think I killed your rooster, please allow me to replace him."

"Suit yourself," the farmer replied, "the hens are round the back."