Drizzle

A rainy day, a dark dim day. I had to protect my cellphone and in my first shot photographed my thumb.

"Jardins sous la pluie". Was it Debussy or Ravel? I could look it up in Google - but the mood is the same...

A weird dream

I was supposed to give a lecture – in a bar. The subject was something I knew nothing about: the relationship of an obscure 19^th century woman playwright, with a “national” poet. I protested. I did not like the idea of a hotel bar, I had not the faintest notion about the subject and I resented the fact that my speech would start at 11:15 PM. (It is my usual bedtime). I woke up, still complaining. I tried to convince myself that this was a dream.

I fell asleep again and the dream went on. The time for the lecture was near. I had to pee. I went to the toilet and there was a huge queue of men waiting. I had to go back – it was exactly 11:15. (I still remember the watch dial). I started the conference trying to explain that I knew nothing about the subject. The espresso machine was so loud; even I could not hear myself speak.

Somebody stood up. He had an air of authority. He said: “I think it would be better if you chose another topic. Something more light. Let’s have a few jokes!” I objected. I was no stand up comedian. But the audience loved the proposal. The applause was so loud that I woke up – for good.

Well, yes...

...I really do enjoy solitude here. When I want company, I flee to my other blogs. But still there is a tingle of expectation: how long will it take until somebody, by chance, stumbles upon this blog. A month? A year? Never?

This is a wager. A bottle with brief messages thrown in the oceanic Internet. Travelling on the crest of the waves. No land in sight. No shore to berth.

No sailor shouting: Land ho!

Zeroing in

Zero and zero and zero comments. I never though I would so much delight in nothingness.

Zero comments means: you don't have to read, you don't have to answer. You can continue your soliloquy uninterrupted.

Coming from a blog with hundreds of comments, I find so much solace in this desert of zeros.

A leaf...

...met a cellphone - autumn sonata. Uploaded directly, on the spot

My heart leaps up

My heart leaps up when I behold
A rainbow in the sky:
So was it when my life began,
So is it now I am a man,
So be it when I shall grow old
Or let me die!
The Child is father of the Man:
And I could wish my days to be
Bound each to each by natural piety.

The rainbow appeared suddenly this afternoon on a turn of the road. It brought wonder, happiness and the remembrance of William Wordsworth's poem, which I had learned by heart sixty years ago - and forgotten since.

So be it when I shall grow old

So it is, brother William - so it is! I am old now, and I know.

Alptraum

I knew I had two very important appointments - one for today and one for tomorrow. But I did not remember which, when and with whom. I only knew that today's meeting was at eleven o clock. As the time came near, I was seized by angst and a total paralysis. I had to go, it was urgent, crucial, but where?

A nightmare. (I like the German word Alptraum better. French cauchemar is not bad either). I think it was a distorted reminder of my business days, when I lived from meeting to meeting. Something I had to pay for, now. I woke up in a total confusion.

Ethics

"To become morally independent of one's formative society... is the only means of moral progress, the establishment of some higher ethical concept".

William Empson

It took me some decades to achieve this independence. I am not sure my new ethical concepts are higher. At least they are mine...

A lonely lamp...

...lights only itself.

doodle1

Random notes, in the margins of everyday life. By someone who was once an actor and sits now in the audience. Doodling has dwindled - we now play solitaire on screen during meetings or telephone calls. But inner doodling is still there. That is what this blog is about.